Messed up but a little better

Happy Mabon yesterday everybody.

I was so busy I didn't get to do anything though :(

Oh well, I'm not nearly as depressed anymore but I'm having to beat the evil depression off with a stick becasue it seems to like looming over me nowadays.

Unfortunetly I lost my cell phone around the house (it's out of batter so I can't call it) and mom is very mad at me. My depression (lets name it Marve shall we? Yes I know naming depression practically makes me certifiably insane but I don't care) is just waiting for me to slow with my dreaded stick (Steve as of 2 seconds ago) so it can dive on that Lost Phone problem and tear at me.

Ugh, I really am going crasy, naming inanimate objsects that don't even exist outside my mind. What is wrrong wiht me??

I really wich someone would read this. If the point of a journal is to vent your feelings shouldn' there be someone around to listen? Not that pen and paper (or keyboard and internet) arne't good listeners but they don't give you a lot of feedback.

Class is goign to end soon, I'll type again soon as a can (think of it) Bye.

Now going completely though innocently mad -Flickering Heart

What's happening now

Alright I'm not as depressed now.

I chickened out on the spell tea and stuff, just lost the will.

The weekend went fine and this weekend was pretty good, 4 days of somewhat realxed normalities. I'm goign with dad again this weekend and I'm going to get some stuff for my haloween costume.

Fortunetly I will have just recently have left dad's house and so will have had time to (maybe) do a Mabon ritual on Sunday. Still feeling kind of out of it, I don't know what I'm missing. Saturday night I felt bad, like somethign bad was going to happen you know? Nothing did, and the feeling passd mostly but still, it was strange.

THat doggy stroller thing arived and the dogs love coming shopping with us, the other day timon got sick though (puking major, but only breifly) It's really hard to talk to him, I have to guess alot because he still doesn't talk in complete sentences, he likes to send me pictures and usually only one word.

Maybe it's Autumn that I'm missing (my cat not the season) I haven't spoken to her in a while.

Maybe it's my school work, it's getting kind of overwhelming, I just don't know what to do.

As I'm typing this the bad feelings coming back. Not good.

Maybe its those signs we recieved earlier, i can't beleive I forgot to enter them here.

2 morning dove type birds died in or front yard, it seemed as though they might have crashed into the garage but there was not blood or flattned side to the bird. Then there was a dead baby lizard in the pool and mom saw two big dead coyotes when she was driving to work. all in less than a week.

All I'm saying is something weird/bad is goign down here, I can feel it. I hope it isn't all in my head.

I bought the sims two pets but I barely get anytime playing it.

It doesn't really matter, I have alot of othe rimportant things to do.

No ones emailed me for about 2 weeks.

Drat, I just realized that I have to go to that USC tailgate thing this weekend, not my favorite activity. Especially when the natural history museum and the beautiful rose gardens will be not even a half mile away from me and I won't be able to go. Instead I'll have to sit with noisy, sweary, beer drinking, music blasting tail gaiters as the smell of ciggerette fumes and barbeque smoke waft over my head. Bleck. Maybe I'll be able to block it out and read, turn it all into white noise behind me.

That's all I can really remember at the moment, If I think of anything else I'll be sure to enter it.

Doing somewhat better but still standing on a cliff, veiwing the treacherous scenery -Flickering Heart

Depressed...

So now I'm thouroughly depressed. I went to San Diego which was fine (whatever) and I'm goign with dad again this weekend.

But doublestuff (one of my cats) went missing several weeks ago and has not come back. We're getting another kitten for autumn so she won't be so terribly lonely (I talked to her about it she's about as enthusiastic as a cat of her status can get)

And because I didn't get particularly savory grades in 7th grade last year I cant go on the trip I've been waiting 2 full years to go on. This sucks not only cause I won't be on the trip to absolutely gorgeous yosemite but I'll also be without my bestfriend (Simone, who can go on the trip) for an entire week.

On top of that I didn't practice for guitar and felt horribly guilty while in my lesson yesterday.

And on top of that i have homework over the weekend.

And on top of that the house is messy which makes for one thouroughly pissed off mother.

So right now I'm just a heap of depression, whoopee. If I don't think about it too much I can move through my day (with little interest in anything) But it's hard not to think about at times and then I become even more depressed and really would rather curl up with a blanket in a dark room and sleep for hour upon hour upon hour (i'm not the suicidal type).

The good news is I did my Dedication ceremony a day before school started and the weather has started cooling down.

But that really isn't too much of a consolation on top of everything else.

I'm goign to make some Spell tea of my own design to promote focus, clarity of thought, and physcic (sp) awareness {I've been feeling kind of out of it in that aspect lately}

Maybe that'll make some things better.

I'm just hoping I'll make it through the weekend (which is funny because usually people have fears about the week)

Ever in a state of indecision and/or confusion -FH

Question

If I actually have anyone who reads this blog I'd like to know how to add slidshows (if you can)

Thanks -FH